Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
