I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Two words: nipple clamps
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