Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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