Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
