no, he came in my armpit
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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