I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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