She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
