I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
