I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
