need another drink. this is the easiest way
So drunk its hurt
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
false alarm. still invincible.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
