I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize