Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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