Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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