pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
