I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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