I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
