Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
