ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize