I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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