I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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