but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
