My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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