I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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