i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
