I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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