I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
