and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
