What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
