3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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