Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize