he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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