Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
