Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize