we have pet lesbian snakes
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
