How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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