any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize