Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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