Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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