I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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