Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
