God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
