I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
