Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
