sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
