what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
