He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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