Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
