need another drink. this is the easiest way
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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