Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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