One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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