I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
MIDGETS
????
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
