Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
