remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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