Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
