im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just found puke in my bra..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
