I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
