so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Randomize
