im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This house was built for laser tag.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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