Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
