i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
