Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You took a bar mat shot.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
