He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Boobs are out for the taking
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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