East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
