I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
