Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
