my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
