This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
