Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
