Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize