He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
