The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
