We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
