yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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