a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
