Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
